Staying still is easy – it takes the least amount of effort. Moving on the other hand takes enormous effort, and sometimes it isn’t just physical.
But what is moving? It isn’t just moving house, moving location or moving furniture. The most important move is the one that happens internally. It is all about moving forward. A brain shift if you will.
Ten months ago I was stuck on repeat and not going anywhere. If I was doing anything, I was going backwards. Career was stuck, my personal life was stuck, and I was stuck financially. There appeared to be little to move forward with.
Fast forward ten months and I have finally realised how much forward momentum I have. Yes, it took me that long, and for me, that was tough to understand.
So, why did a resilient, forward thinking, motivated go getter get stuck and lose the will and ability to keep going? It wasn’t sudden, although it felt like it. It was a gradual thing over probably three years. It started with little things. Not getting up some mornings to take the dog for a walk. One day ‘off’ would turn into a week and then into months. Eating healthy food would go out the window in the same way and alcohol, well let’s just say it took on a life of its own!
I can pinpoint the start of the demise – the diagnosis of Lewy Body Disease in my husband of twenty plus years. Whilst it was validating to actually have a name for the issues he was facing, after doing some research I realised how hopeless it was. If a healthy man who had always looked after himself and was the life of the party could get something like this and slowly die before me, then what hope was there and why bother. The ‘stuckness’ just sunk in day by day by day.
And then, ten months ago an amazing thing happened, and I started to believe that there was a future. It would never be the one I imagined with my husband, but it was there, and it was different.
It wasn’t easy to move. It took baby steps every day. Just get out of bed was a good start. Stop thinking of how I could die was another significant move. And then, piece by piece, I put my life on a positive trajectory. No, I didn’t move house. I didn’t move location, although I did move some furniture. What I moved was my mindset from backward focused to forward thinking.
All because of one thing someone said to me. “Being curious in life is the greatest gift you can give – to yourself and to others”. Why did this resonate? I have no idea, but it touched the far reaches of, not only my brain, but my heart. Inspiration comes when you least expect it … even if you are unintentionally looking for it.
So now, ten months down the track I am awake, I am a better version of me than ever … and I am moving …. a lot!
